listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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