8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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