Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
