when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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