4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize