Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
