i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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