haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
