Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
