Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
