My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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