friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
