Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
