so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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