How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
