So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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