Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
