i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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