I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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