Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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