Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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