There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
