Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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