There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We named our party play list daddy issues
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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