I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
