Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
