I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
