That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The uberlube is also flammable
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
