Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
