Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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