do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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