I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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