if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
