I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
