Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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