I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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