I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
