the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
