Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
