i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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