I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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