planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
