Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
