Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
