Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
