Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
