Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
