yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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