Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
