You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
