I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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