i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
