Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This toilet bowl is my home.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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