i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
