so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
