I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Found your dick twin last night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
