All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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