so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
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I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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