have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
