i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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