We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
