Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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