i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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